After extensive testing, scientists determined their sentient dance machine’s “killer moves” were, in fact, as harmful to humans as they were to sound. Keep dancing safely within mankind with today’s Groupon to Dance SF. Choose from the following options:

• For $25, you get a four-week salsa class for one person (a $60 value).
• For $45, you get a four-week salsa class for two people (a $120 value).
• For $84, you get an eight-week salsa class for two people (a $240 value).

Sessions are held once a week in San Francisco and the East Bay. Locations vary, so check the schedule to confirm.

At Dance SF, instructors sway bodies with fun four- or eight-week classes that take beginners through basic footwork and salsa rhythms, with intermediate and advanced sessions offering salsa aficionados more challenging instruction. The social class structure—partners rotate throughout every session—creates a low-pressure learning environment and keeps dancers from scrambling to locate a partner or human-shaped tupperware container. The one-hour beginner classes are mostly filled with salsa novices and new dancers, and Dance SF’s experienced and engaging local salsateers are patient and friendly when showing new students how to bust well-timed moves. During intermediate classes, which require six months or more of social dancing experience, students focus on timing and cross-body leads with turns. Be sure to wear comfortable clothing, which includes dancing shoes, but does not include rear-flapped onesie pajamas.

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Like an old pair of sweatpants, VHS tapes can become too worn and sweaty to work properly. Turn your ratty tapes into crystal-clear memories with today’s Groupon: for $40, you get $100 worth of video-to-DVD transfer services at AMR Productions in Novato.

The video virtuosos at AMR Productions help dying media find immortality through DVD preservation. VHS and VHS-C tapes fall under AMR’s transferring expertise, allowing families to pass on a copy of Mom and Dad’s wedding, baby’s first birthday, or the Driscoll Grammar School’s fall rendition of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? to future generations. Other formats, such as Mini DV, Hi8, and Digital8 can also be transferred, producing easy-to-store DVDs up to two hours in length ($25 each). Unlike film-based formats that typically last up to 20 years, DVDs boast a potential lifespan of 100 years with superior image quality, and each completed compact disc is snuggly sheltered in a jewel case with a label designating its nutritional content.

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Snowboarding and skiing preserve the gravity-defying tricks of surfing without the threat of sharks or sudden, unexpected nudity. Layer up with today’s Groupon: for $49, you get three snow-sports boot-camp sessions and a fitness consultation at SportZal, located in the Belmont Plaza Shopping Center (a $135 value). Click here for a class schedule.

SportZal’s corrective fitness experts prime physiques for a slip-free season of soaring down slopes with their snow-sports preseason conditioning boot camp, which has readied skiing staff members at both Squaw Valley and Alpine Meadows snow-sports schools. A body assessment and consultation first generates a custom program around athletes’ goals. Up to eight students then augment mountaineering muscles with strength training, and flexibility drills teach arms to simultaneously steer and knit a sweater with ski poles. Training stages follow precedents set by the US Ski Team, boosting base strength before asking students to work at maximum power, and then easing into agility exercises. Limbs also unfurl into healing yoga poses to avoid such snowboarding strains as aching knees and back pain prompted by hugging yetis.

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A strong resumé is like a lion: it shreds competition, gives off a mighty roar, and never has a bad hair day. Reign as king of the job-market jungle with today’s Groupon: for $85, you get a professional resumé- and cover-letter-writing service from JMC Resumes, Ltd. (a $260 value).

Experienced in staffing and recruiting, JMC Resumes’ band of merry wordsmiths crafts new resumés from scratch, tunes up existing resumés, and drafts cover letters infused with interview-attracting pheromones. Without the use of templates, these professional resumé writers compose custom CVs for a variety of workforce ranks—from tenderfoot to VP—and federal specialists focus on resumés for government agencies.

The life cycle of this decisive document begins with an online submission form, after which a smooth-talking writer makes contact via telephone or written questionnaire to glean knowledge of the job seeker’s unique skills, goals, and views on the cuddly nature of meerkats. Within the next 48–72 hours, the compellingly written and keyword-optimized completed resumé will be emailed. Two rounds of revisions may be made during the next seven days to ensure the document meets expectations. With a 99.4% client-satisfaction rate, founder J. Melissa Cooper oversees every final draft before it enters clients’ inboxes. Review seminal samples in fields such as engineering, human resources, teaching, and competitive hopscotch.

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Everybody loves Valentine’s Day, when talented Family Ties actor Scott Valentine comes into your house and kisses you in your sleep. Don’t forget to leave milk and sushi out with today’s Groupon to Zazzle.com. Choose between the following options:

• For $20, you get $40 worth of customizable Valentine’s Day mugs.
• For $20, you get $40 worth of customizable Valentine’s Day cards.

Using Zazzle.com’s intuitive online design tools, customers can personalize and create their own mugs and cards with self-uploaded pictures and self-authored text. Custom mugs—available in eight different shapes, colors, and sizes—arrive in the form of classic ceramic mugs, steins, stainless-steel travel mugs, or frosted glasses and are adorned with personal messages, photos, or scanned receipts from your first date. Otherwise, a selection of fully customizable Valentine’s Day cards can sport classic hearts and flower imagery alongside the words of your choosing. Zazzle.com’s handy technicians then print the gifts—usually within 24 hours—using vibrant, full-color inks poached from Cupid’s pet squids.

To receive custom gifts by Valentine’s Day, orders must be placed by February 5 with standard shipping. Half-off two-day express shipping is available for orders of $50 or more through February 8.

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Like the characters on a soap opera, pizza begins as a full circle but eventually ends in broken pieces. Band together with today’s Groupon: for $10, you get $20 worth of pizza, ribs, pasta, and sandwiches at Garlex Pizza in Danville.

Garlex Pizza furnishes its menu with casual eats such as sandwiches and ribs, and builds custom pizzas on fresh dough forged from winter wheat, buttermilk, and whey. Leaf lovers sidle up to the salad bar ($6.99), where 40 mix-and-matchable items proffer combinations as varied and unique as census reports turned in by snowflakes. Half a rack fills a basket with 5–7 ribs ($11.99), whose haul is cloaked in a saucy choice of honey barbecue, sweet teriyaki, or hot-and-spicy glazes. Open-face sandwiches include the white-sauce-painted Italian ($8.99), on which salami, pepperoni, and ham sprawl across a cheese-shrouded sourdough roll. Sweet corn spells out a sonnet in creamy chipotle sauce, which deluges sliced chicken breast and penne pasta ($10.99). Pie portraitists design their own pizzas by culling crust from a trio of options and heaping them with a choice of five sauces speckled with an expansive tally of toppings ($16.99 for medium with two toppings). Dough décor includes roasted garlic, zucchini, chorizo, and barbecue chicken. Specialty pizzas include the six-meat Prego and the gourmet pesto vegetarian ($18.99 for a medium), which hosts pesto-nestled sun-dried tomatoes and moonstruck artichoke hearts.

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Staying in a lodge is the third best way to get in touch with nature, second only to camping in a tent and calling a bald eagle on its cell phone. Answer the call of the outdoors with today’s Groupon: for $135, you get a two-night stay in a deluxe two queen room and a spa basket at Yosemite Cedar Lodge in El Portal (a $265 value).

Nestled 8 miles south of Yosemite National Park, Yosemite Cedar Lodge inspires guests with a peaceful overlook of the Merced River, its surrounding foliage, and looming mountains. Gold-striped wallpaper and canopy beds add an air of richness to guest rooms where King Midas once holed up to write his memoirs, whereas a spa basket mitigates visitors with gel, lotion, a scrub brush, and scrunchie. The sights of Yosemite draw tourists year-round, unveiling natural wonders such as glistening waterfalls and the monolithic rock formations of El Capitan. Retire indoors to unwind at the lodge’s spa or family restaurant or engage in rigorous pruning competitions in the varying temperatures of an indoor-outdoor pool.

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A skilled photographer captures a subject’s sense of wonder, such as when a baby discovers a flying butterfly or when a baby discovers flying. Learn to document developmental milestones with today’s Groupon to Isla Studio. Choose between the following options:

• For $45, you get a three-hour beginners photography class for one (a $149 value).
• For $89, you get a three-hour beginners photography class for two (a $298 value).

Isla Studio’s trio of professional photographers—Lindsay, William, and Mel—acquaints small classes of novice shutterbugs with the camera savvy to snap alluring images. Students are weaned off the automatic setting as they grow their adult fingernails and learn to operate a DSLR’s knobs and dials. Within the indoor studio, brains steep in knowledge of concepts such as exposure, aperture, and shutter speed, which empower burgeoning photographers to judge the best settings for capturing grand vistas or detailed headshots of a ladybug. Students are welcome to bring their own camera or borrow one from the studio, and snacks and drinks brought from home refresh creative juices. See upcoming class dates here.

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According to an old saying, your home is your castle, your television is your court jester, and your dog is your moat. Fortify your fortress with today’s Groupon: for $99, you get $200 worth of natural-stone resurfacing from Cornerstone Home Surface Renewal, with service from Palo Alto down to Gilroy.
For more than a decade, Cornerstone Home Surface Renewal has been restoring shine and luster to natural-stone surfaces both indoors and out. Technicians scrub stone ($3.50/sq. ft.) or tile ($2/sq. ft.) clean with high-pressure hot-water extraction, swiftly flushing away surface grime and handprints from local aspiring actors. After wiping spotless surfaces dry, technicians seal the freshly restored finish to preserve its shine, leaving homes and patios looking as new as the day they first sprouted from the ground.

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Muscles, like the tails of sleeping cats or levers labeled “drain ocean,” were never meant to be pulled. Reverse the damage with today’s Groupon: for $60, you get two 60-minute deep-tissue massages at Dillon Siedentopf Massage Therapy in San Rafael (up to a $140 value).

Certified massage therapist Dillon Siedentopf tailors his custom knead-a-thons to each client’s corporeal cues, incorporating his expertise in anatomy and kinesiology to deftly target problem areas. Skilled in multiple modalities, Dillon may weave Thai, shiatsu, and Swedish techniques into a pair of deep-tissue massages designed to curb chronic tension, promote healing, and make muscles melt into delicious puddles of butterscotch.

Dillon specializes in banishing pain and tightness from necks, shoulders, backs, arms, hands, and faces, but after devising a personalized treatment plan, he eagerly sets his stress-relieving sights on almost any anatomical zone causing clients grief. Today’s Groupon is valid for both in-office and at-home sessions, accommodating customers made immobile by range-limiting aches or cumbersome Renaissance-fair costumes.

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